In less than 4 weeks, I will be back at work. Beyond or perhaps beside the guilt that goes with that, I have started to wonder what it will actually be like to be back. So far, my focus has been on leaving Tibbons and how it will feel to be away from him, but as the day draws nearer, I’ve been thinking about work itself. It may not surprise you to hear that that opens up a whole new host of worries and questions in my head! Here are just a few of them:
- Will I remember how to do my job?
- Will I be as good at it as before I left?
- Will I like it as much? More? Not at all?!
- How will I fare in conversations that aren’t about babies, or babies’ poo?
- What will it be like to use a handbag again?
- Which handbag should I use?
- What will it be like to have a lunch break?
- Will I remember to close the toilet door?!
- How will I relate to my colleagues and my work now that I’m a mum? Is it really so different?
- What will I do with my commuting time? Two hours to myself, three days a week!
- Will my breasts feel like they’re going to explode by the end of the day?!
- Will it be more or less tiring than looking after Tibbons?
In 4 weeks, I hope to have the answers to most of these, and will of course post an update as I am sure you will be curious to read whether or not I managed to maintain my dignity and privacy when using the toilet! (Seriously, we don’t even have a lock on our bathroom door at home and I have got quite used to leaving the door wide open, I might even feel a bit claustrophobic in the ones at work!)