Baby number 2 has been on my mind for a while now. And it seems it’s not just my mind that he or she has been on – when Daddy-O went out with some fellow fathers the other day, conversation swiftly turned to when each was planning on child number 2; my brother’s girlfriend has been asking about our plans regarding baby number 2; people have been asking if we plan to have more children; and, when I went to the doctor’s this week, after he asked about Tibbons he quickly followed up by saying “I guess you’ll be thinking about number two before too long.”
Most usually I would be annoyed by such presumptuousness, but I happen to think this doctor is a very good doctor and has a nice bedside manner, so I let him off. And as it happens, I have been thinking about baby number two, as I’ve just stated, it’s up there in black and white, for all to see. But I am not sure we’re ready quite yet, either biologically (my periods are yet to return) or emotionally: I love our little family and I really enjoy our life. I am just getting into the swing of being back at work and having a bit more time for me and I feel we have a nice balance in our lives at the moment. Tibby is still quite young and though I am sure he would come to love having a sibling in the same way that most children seem to, I’m not sure I can ask that of him yet. But nor do I want a big gap between the two, if possible.
I also have some level of trepidation, as I am sure most do, about getting pregnant again. I’ve been pregnant twice before – my first pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage and an ERPC (Evacuation of Retained Products of Conception), and yes, I do think it’s a rather insensitively named procedure but even the nicest name in the world could never make a dent in the trauma I felt at going through that experience after my body failed to miscarry naturally for almost four weeks.
Much more happily, pregnancy number two resulted in Tibbons. That pregnancy had its absolutely lovely moments – I enjoyed having a bump and feeling Tibbons move around inside me, even seeing his elbows or head jutting out of my tummy from time to time, which was absolutely amazing but I also had really high levels of anxiety all through that pregnancy and developed a few irrational fears which had a big impact on our lives. So while I get excited when I think that baby number two might not be too distant a prospect, I also have the odd passing thought that my anxiety might return. However, just as I was confident that my anxiety would disappear when Tibbons arrived, I am confident that this time around I will be so much busier and my confidence buoyed by the fact I know I can carry a baby successfully to term, that I do not think those same worries will haunt me second, or rather third, time around; though I know those early weeks will always be a tense time for me, as they are for so many.
As I say though, biologically, matters seem to be out of my hands at the moment (though I am aware that it is possible to get pregnant before your periods have returned) and, though I never thought I would miss my periods, as I approach two years without them part of me is quite looking forward to their return as it will mean that baby number two is one step nearer, as odd as that sounds given that it’s usually the absence of a period that symbolises such things!